


Wholesome Homestuck: The veggie tales/Homestuck crossover

by Shitfacedanon



Category: Homestuck, Veggie Tales
Genre: Anal Sex, F/M, M/M, Other, Vaginal Sex, Vegetables
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 04:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shitfacedanon/pseuds/Shitfacedanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A certain goofy, silly cucumber happens upon a certain dorky knight of time, leading to heartbreak, horror, and horrific experiences. Will Larry survive his experience with Dave? Will he get his friend Bob out alive?<br/>Read and find out?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wrote both of these drunk. I did no proof reading, no editing. and I only barely recall what I wrote. </p>
<p>So enjoy this most unusual crossover!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dave couldn’t believe his luck. Then again most people wouldn’t consider his particular situation to be lucky. Or even good for that manner. But if there was one thing dave was, it was making the best out of a situation. No matter how weird and bizarre it was. And so here he was. Standing in front of various characters from veggie tales all with a look a lust upon their face. Larry looked the most excited. Of course the cucumber would be. Dave always figured Larry as the most depraved of the group. That stupid, goofy personality. That sexy buck tooth grins on his face. Those wanting eyes. Larry would be the deviant. Dave couldn’t help but shrug his shoulders at that fact. He then got to business and grabbed the fruity cucumber. His poured the special KY jelly on the vegetable. He then spread it evenly across the surface. With the prep work done, he removed his pants and underwear and dropped to his knees. The little cucumber’s eyes widened in shock and horror. “Jesus kid what are you doing?” Larry asked. Dave didn’t even bother to reply as he placed the cucumber underneath his hungry anus. Slowly he lowed himself upon the cucumber.

Larry was aghast with horror at what he was witnessing. He screamed and begged for the kid to stop but slowly dave lowered himself upon Larry’s head until the two came into contact. Dave grunted as he slowly pushed the terrified cucumber into his ass. All the while grow excited at inflicting such misery. Dave gradually pushed the cucumber into himself. Pulling and and pushing in. Every time he would push more and more into himself and feel the screaming plant ride against his prostate. At first it was a slow grind. But as he built up speed he found himself in a haze of ecstasy. He needed more. He slammed down aganst the plant feeling the pleasure building. Eventually instinct took control and he needed more stimulation. And what should be there standing in front of him? Eyes wide in horror. Mouth open, but silent. Bob the tomato. Dave figured it would be a good time to finally shut that little bastard up and make himself feel good at the same time. He grabbed the shocked plant and placed it near his stiff dick.

Bob had always considered himself a good Christian. He always thought that the wicked would be punished and the pure would be rewarded. And yet here, before his very eyes, his closest friend was being violated in the worst sort of way. His friend Larry had been reduced to nothing more than a means to pleasure some sick kid’s sexual desires. He couldn’t look away as Larry was forced up the kid’s ass. As every time he was allowed to breath he would scream and beg for the kid to stop. And yet the kid did nothing but increase his motions. Grinding faster and faster against his friend. Bob thought it couldn’t get worse. He was to discover it could. Dave grabbed him firmly. He placed the terrified tomato directly in front of his stiff member. “Suck it” was all he said. Bob was too terrified and confused to understand. Dave simply went with it and shoved his dick into the vegetable’s mouth. At first slowly but then firmly. The pleasure got the best of him and he then plunged his dick into bob until it broke the skin.

Dave was consumed by pleasure now. Slamming as hard as he could against the cucumber while his dick slammed in and out of the tomato. Stimulation got the best of him and his dick burst out a thick wade of semen. He slowly pulled the cucumber out his ass and removed the now dead tomato from his dick. He tossed both inside his trash bin. Dave then began to clean himself up, not at least before disposing any evidence of his deeds. No need for Bro to find out. But in the dark and dirty bin Larry knew. He knew everything that had transpired. And the memories haunted him. Bob was silent. He made not a single noise nor even reacted to Larry’s words. Larry slowly moved toward his old friend. Ever cautious of what might await him. Larry wished he could call out to bob. But he found himself to traumatized to even open his mouth. Slowly he approached his friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larry, traumatized by what he has seen, approaches his friend bob. What he will find, might only lead to far worse horror...

Bob was silent, too silent in fact. Larry approached him cautiously, fear now overwhelming him. He didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew. Slowly, nigh painfully he nudged his way to the tomato.

“B-Bob?” he called out to his friend quietly. Hoping against everything that bob would be okay. But He knew. Even as he bobbed his way forward, his friend turned away from him, he still knew. Bob was dead. His flesh rendered into pulp and red chunks from the fierce penetrations of the younger Strider boy. But larry needed to look Bob in the face, or at least what remained of his face. He needed closure.

He turned Bob’s ragged corpse towards him and recoiled in horror at what he saw. But Larry did not turn away. No he kept his vision fixed to the mangled face of his now passed comrade. Bob was a mess. His left eye hung loose, dangling freely. His entire upper right side was pulverized, the sides dripping with gore and fluids. Not even his right eye was sparred. Nothing was. That warm smile he would share now lost. That twinkle in his eyes that always reassured Larry. Now gone. But most draining of all. That which Larry would miss most, was his voice, that stern paternal guide-like voice that always sought to help. That always would know the right phrase or bible passage to bring comfort or peace, that two was taken from him. Forever.

Larry shook his head in denial and silently, small beads streamed down his face. His friend, his comrade, his… **lover** , one might even say, was dead. How many shows, how many episodes had the two seen together?

“no. Bob. BOOOOOBBB!” Larry cried out, tears now streaming from his face. He brought Bob’s corpse to himself, holding it close as he could and sobbed madly.

“BOB OH GOD NOT YOU BOB!” Larry sobbed into Bob, his memories of his friend flowing forth. The time they had met in college, or their first rave together, or the time Bob had saved larry’s life in Iraq during the first Gulf war. That memory held greater significance to him. They had been pinned down by enemy troops, the rest of their team dead and only the two of them left to fight.

“I’m not gonna leave you larry!” bob had screamed over the cacophony of whizzing bullets and flickering flames.

“YOU HAVE TO. I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT BOB! GO ON WITHOUT ME!!” Larry had screamed back to him, clutching his stomach in pain as he bled out. But Bob had refused his orders, electing of his own free will to stay behind and get the two of them out. Bob had looked at him intently, that ever comforting twinkle sparkled once more, that determined smile on his face.

“Don’t worry buddy. I got you.” Bob had said then. He had turned to look at the Elite Iraqi Republican guard and screamed out to them, heaving his assault rifle upwards and taking aim. Larry was half lucid, the blood loose had begun to blur his senses, yet from what he could make out, Bob had fired like a mad man possessed. He was like Rambo, or the Viking berserkers of old, now born anew to unleash their long dead fury upon this tainted sinful earth. One after another the enemy fell, their bodies turned limp and bloody. After some uncountable amount of time the battle had ended, the fury faded, and the enemy killed.

Larry had slipped slowly into unconsciousness, yet right before the numb darkness had taken him, he saw the choppers. The black metal angels hovering to lift him to kinder lands. To more peaceful pastures. His vision dimmed, and he heard a voice like bob’s scream out to him and felt his body raised above the earth. It was his time he had thought then. His time to meet the Lord and Christ almightily.

But it was not. No, he had awoken to find himself in a coalition hospital later, Bob by his side with a worried look on his face.

“You had me worried there buddy. I thought I lost you for a sec. But luckily the doctors said you would be okay.”

“You saved my life man. I’ll never forget this Bob.”

“Larry, as long as either of us live, I swear we’ll get out of any situation. I save your life. You save mine. Promise man?”

“Promise.” Larry had said then.

He had promised him. Any situation, any battle. They would save each other, that had been their promise.

And Larry had failed him. At Bob’s greatest hour of need, **he** had been the one to falter. He had failed his friend. The one time, the **one** moment his friend had counted on him for once, and he failed. He might as well have killed Bob himself for all the guilt he felt then.

Defeated, Larry sank to the floor of the wastebasket. His body felt numb. As if he was already dead. And Larry wished then he was. His mind flooded with dark thoughts. ‘I did this. I caused this. All of this.’

He said aloud.

“I. I killed Bob. “

Larry let his body rest. He brought Bob’s corpse near him and rested himself on it. And hummed the theme song of their show, crying as the lyrics repeated in his mind; that familiar blaring of the tuba he would always loyally give out with each show as Bob repeated those ever familiar lyrics.

“V-veggie Tales. Veggie Tales. Veg. E. Tales.” Larry weakly gave out. His voice strained as he choked back a sob.

Time passed, and Larry soon let the darkness take him. Madness soon overwhelmed him. Before long time itself held no meaning for him. A week, a month, a year? What did any of them matter to him? All were a blur to him. A nonexistent concept to mark the slow process of decay and entropy. Why in fact, nothing existed in all the universe beside him and his now silent friend Bob! In fact the whole universe was nothing but the black trash bag they now inhabited. Years passed. And soon the years turned to centuries. All the while Larry singing his tune, replaying each and every episode with Bob as if his friend was still alive. For some unknown stretch of time they went undisturbed. Until a certain day…

 

Roxy was out and about, searching her checkered neighborhood for spare parts and components to a scientific project of hers. She would sift through the trash of the Prospetan and Dersite neighbors who lived with her. Most of the time, her efforts would be mostly for naught, though not necessarily fruitless. While most of what the carapaced residents would toss out would be useless for her scientific related endeavors, she could still often find something of interest to her. A book by some ancient author, or a video game offering her a grand quest, or a movie that regaled her with all manner of tales. Often times she could return home with a veritable treasure trove of goods to comb over later. And she loved every bit of it. Unearthing Earth’s ancient human history, learning of how her now nigh extinct species had lived. It drove her. And even if whatever she had found was useless for research purposes, she could still use it to motivate her own muse when she wrote.

Today however was to provide her with a most fruitful bounty of sorts. Roxy sifted and searched through a pile of trash bags. She would pull and rip apart a few more bulged ones, eager to see what potential gifts they might offer.

Sadly, most today seemed to be slim pickings; just typical unexciting trash.

“damnit.” She said to herself, frustrated at her apparent lack of progress. She pulled free another bag and shook it curiously, yet tossed it back when it returned only the jingle-jangle of tab cans.

She pushed a bag aside, and another, digging dip to reach for what she hoped would be a particularly choice find. Then she heard something.

It was faint, like a distant light toned humming. Roxy stood frozen, her ears trying to search out its origins. Eagerly she pulled and tossed the bags back. It could be a recording, or some video player, or or.. A whole computer even! Who knew what marvels and secrets she would pry from it’s plastic and silicone grip.

Finally she found it. A lone bag, vibrating and screaming a muffled song. It looked less filled then she had hoped for, but Roxy was not one to give up hope; perhaps the computer was simply smaller then she had expected. Either way, anything would be sufficient. She pulled the knot free and discovered the most shocking thing she’d ever seen.

“VEGGIE TAAAALLLES. VEGGGGGGGIIEEEE TALLLLEEEESSS. VEGGGGGGIIIIEEEE TAAAAAALLLLESSSS. VEG-E TALES!” A talking cucumber screamed off key as he leapt from his confines and danced. Roxy eyes widened in surprised. Was she really seeing this? What the hell was this thing even? It continued to blare the words incessantly, it’s ‘hips’ swinging side to side. Roxy grabbed the thing to examine it closer, yet still it did not cease its racket.

Roxy shrugged her shoulders and with her new treasure in tow, began to return home. She figured she wasn’t likely to find any other thing of note anyway.

The whole time there the annoying little thing had continued to scream its anthem. Even worse Roxy had found herself even humming the words involuntarily and chastised herself for falling victim to such a irritating squawk. Once she closed and locked her door behind her, she placed the thing on her desk, the green ovoid shaped thing gyrating and bleating it’s tune.

“VEGGIE TALES. VEGGIES TALES. VEG E TALES.” It screamed. Roxy covered her ears and grimaced at it.

_“what the fuck am I gonna do with this thing?”_ She thought. It didn’t seem to be inorganic in nature, yet if it was alive then it didn’t match any categorization she was aware of. Part of her wanted to dissect the thing, but such an act seemed such a waste.

She turned to her computer, and took notice of a certain orange hat icon flashing on her screen. It was Dirk, her love, her object of affection, the boy of her dreams. And also the only other living human in the whole world. Roxy’s privates tingled at the thought of him and she let out a squee of excitement.

“Oh god I hope he’s not busy.” She said, eagerly reading the text he had sent her after clicking the icon.

Sadly Dirk was offline. “Hey Roxy, found some blueprints for some device I think be right up your alley. Here’s a link for it. Also gonna busy the whole day searching some ruins so I’ll be away from my computer. See you later.” It had said. Roxy frowned in disappointment, her mood ruined, she got up from her seat and marched towards her collection of booze and poured herself a stronger than usual drink.

“oh mister daniels. Your sour mash whiskey comfort is the only male touch I ever get these days…” Roxy said. She returned to her desk, and tossed back another gulp of the pleasantly bitter drink. Soon her body felt numb yet hot.

“ITS TIME FOR VEGGIE TAAAAAALLLLLLEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.” The gyrating cucumber bellowed out. Roxy giggled at it and clapped. As she looked at it, her mind turned to more lewd directions, her alcohol addled body beginning to desire a more active stimulation.

How it gyrated, how it vibrated, how it moved so fluidly. She bit her lip in anticipation. She needed a man’s touch she felt. She needed to feel something. Something… carnal. Something physical. Sure her own hands could satisfy her urges at times, but damnit if she didn’t want more. Hell, she deserved more she figgured. Sure she could diddle herself to pics of Dirk or let her fingers explore her nether regions to her martini initiated fantasies of the two of them engaging in the most depraved kinks.

But nothing would ever compare to the real thing. No, even her most lurid of x-rated dreams would ever equal the touch of a real human. She poured herself another drink, this time stronger. As she did a lone hand began to lower itself towards her groin. Roxy let out a stifled moan as it lazily rubbed and fingered herself. She stopped herself, and gave a slacked-jawed gaze at the prancing green dumbass still letting out it’s hellish tune.

“CAULIFLOWER. SWEET AND SOUR. HALF AN HOUR. VEGGIE TALES!!!” She grabbed it and immediately shoved it into herself, releasing a loud drunken moan as she wiggled inside her.

“ohh sheit!” She said, clenching her teeth as it’s song continued, the vibrations becoming more intense. Roxy clenched her legs tight, and her head shook. The thing spasmed and screamed its cacophony even louder. Her legs trembled and she fell from her seat to the floor. Her eyes turned back and her insides curling with powerful waves of pleasure.

“oooooohhh shhhhiiittttt.” She said. A manic grin on her face as she clutched her sides. Her body tensed periodically as she rung her legs tightly against one another, desperately struggling not scream. The cucumber continued to writhe and bellow. Roxy fell to her side and let her frame squirm and write of it’s own volition. Her legs kicked and wound, her hands grasped for any bearing they could. Roxy smiled and drooled stupidly, her tongue twisted and pressed against her lips as her insides turned and twisted with orgasmic pleasure.

“oohhhhhhshssh. Fuaaaaahhhkkk.” She let out incoherently. “bahd idea. Baaaaaahhhhd idea. Fuhhhk.” She said as she writhed and constricted.

Her body was hot and tense, her muscles ached and her mind overwhelmed by this most tingly feeling rising up within her. Finally it was too much and with a desperate need she yanked the singing cucumber free from her.

“ITS TIME FOR VEGGIE TAAAALLLLES!”

Just as she did a powerful wave of orgasm came upon her and she climaxed. “ohhhh fuhhhkl. Shit. shit shit shit.” Roxy gritted her teeth as her body spasmed. When it finally subsided she granted herself some rest and stayed on the floor, staring at the ceiling and pondering over the events that had just occurred. Weakly she rose, her legs shuddered as she struggled to stand.

“Gawd damn. That was stupid. Awsomely shtupid. Stuped. Fucket.” She muttered as she grasped her seat and attempted to rest herself on it. As she let her tired boyd rest she poured herself another drink and slowly drank it, letting the comfortably numbful sensation fill her once more; the dulled effects mixing well with the sporadic spurts of orgasm she still occasionally felt.

Roxy looked at her little discovery, the thing still gyrating. Grabbing it, she brought near her face and gazed at it. It’s song was more quiet now, yet it sill amazingly enough continued to sing. On it’s face was a goofy bucked toothed grin.   
“ohh mahn I gotta shar you wieth dirk. Hell maybe evin let hem baroow you fer a bit.”

“dooot” Larry said.


End file.
